As I drove away from my training at my new part time job I realized it then. I was smiling and had this feeling of finally getting a regular daily pattern. I am contributing financially to my family and it takes that to first make me feel worthy. Everything else just falls in afterward. We have things in order now. My order disorder doesn't allow me to feel good if too many things are not taken care of... No loose ends are allowed, so my brain tells me. It's like having emails that are just sitting there that need to be filed or deleted. Then of course there is the deleting of the deleted folder contents too! Anyway it comes and goes this anxiousness I get if the loose ends aren't tied.
But today is great! And the point is the feelings I'm having today are that my loose ends are getting less. And my life is good, great in fact.
Today I spoke to God for about twenty minutes thanked him for everything he has shared with me and for helping me walk away from a bad situation. For helping me be a better person. For showing me that I can't fix everyone's difficulties and its not my job. For seeing fit that I live out the rest of my days with a wonderful man. For allowing me to be healthy and have a nice home life. For my job and my daily bread ( I've been without). For my mother and my familys health and love. So I'm grateful for many things and I was reminded today.... Just by a feeling of renewal and pure love in my heart for others and from others <3
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