Gary

Gary Parker, my cousin was a good man. And I know a lot of people just say that. But he really was. He had this softness about him you could see in his eyes and hear in his voice. You could just tell he genuinely cared and wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. Oh he had his rough patches throughout his life he spent some years dancing with the devil (most of us have) but Im so happy that he got on track and enjoyed his family in his short life.

I found myself today wondering if he would have done anything different and my bet is he wouldn't. I hadn't seen him much over the last few years. I spoke to him when he was in the hospital with intestinal problems. I spoke to him about Aunt Shirley when she was very ill and before she passed on. But I hadn't really got to just visit with him and I do really regret that. I feel like I should have tried harder to see him when he was in town and I didn't! It does bother me. I did the same thing with my friend Cheryl Davis and she passed....ugh.

It really was important to me today to be with his siblings and hug his daughter. I know they are in a lot of pain. It hurt me bad to see Lisa crying today...and the tears in Wes's eyes as he hugged her. And the sadness that filled and overwhelmed my heart today when I just thought about Gary's voice not being heard anymore.

Life gets shorter everyday and I swear I have got to get closer to my people. I love them and I want to be a part of all their lives. I need to. Its a hole I have in my heart. I don't want to regret not being closer and loving them truly.

As I write I realize, we are thick. Our family has always been really close and weve lost some of that.

Expectations

It's not only high expectations that will get ya. It's having any expectations! I had  thought that meeting my husbands "middle" daughter would be a bad thing. I was so nervous that she would have her mind made up about me before she met me. And maybe she did... But she is sure a sweet girl. She's the opposite of what I had imagined. All I knew for sure was that she was very angry at all of us. And as the new step monster I figured I would get all her anger directly. 

I'm assuming now that she is mature enough to see people for who they are and she's definitely open minded and non judgmental.  Which is high on my list of great qualities to have.  

Thank you lord for sending her home to us and giving her the courage and wisdom to know when she needs love and support from her family.  

And puppy too...

Spaces in our hearts

Wow! It's not often anymore that I have this urge to pull out my computer and write because I really have something to say. Lately its been more forced.

This morning my heart has been lifted up! My daughter and I have had a texting chat about her breaking up with her current boyfriend. The last text I got from her said" Thanks for your advice it honestly helps a lot". And that just makes me SOOO happy. Because sometimes I know that advice from your parents is just blah blah blah...So to have really helped her makes me feel warm hearted inside. I don't know I just want her to know that boys don't fill that spot inside, they add to it. As a woman its my JOB to teach her these things. Her Daddy can teach her many things. But this department is mine. And I feel like I am very qualified.  And as of today very successful  :~)

I'm so thankful to my family. Thankful to Joe for loving me unconditionally. And I love Traci so much for giving me a chance after losing her Mother. I know that wasn't a normal reaction. Most would have pushed away the idea of another woman coming in. But she gave me a chance and I cant say enough how happy I am.