People who need people are the luckiest people in the world

I have tendency to think of all the things I feel I have lost in this life. Mostly things like love, money, youth, materialistic things, time and people.When I focus on this too much I think it sets me up for more disappointment.  So what if I were to swing it the other way and think only of what I have and will gain. All these things that I have lost are gone. So....that's why we have that word ...GONE!


So love is attainable. As long as it's a healthy one! I have certainly gained knowledge in this area of my life, and that is...it takes more than following your heart. Love isn't only the way you feel about someone but the qualities you like in them or the things you have in common. Are you both wanting the same things out of life and each other?

Money comes and goes always will. Money makes things easier not happier. I think when we have too much money we forget what's really important PEOPLE. Yet when we don't have enough of it that's all we have and all that counts, our circle of people. Money is nice and I want some, but I  can survive without it as long as I have my people!

Youth comes and goes before you ever knew you had it, so I don't miss it much. I just wish I had enjoyed it more. And that's what I like to tell children especially young girls, stay a kid and enjoy it.

Materialistic things are just like George Carlin said.....it's "stuff". It's all just stuff and when we move we take our stuff. Then we buy bigger houses to put more stuff. We have offices and cars and garages full of STUFF! I don't want anymore stuff.

Time is precious this I believe. It's time to start enjoying everyday and every minute in it. Even if it means not caring what someone else thinks about what I'm doing with MY time. I find myself thinking about people that are in jail or sick and I know those folks wish they had more time or had enjoyed more of what they did have.

People...I don't want to take the people in my life for granted. I want to enjoy them and love them while we are all here. And most importantly I want to help them and show them that I love them. That they are my circle of people... add some love and that's all we really need. <3

Mom and the Smith boys

I feel good.... I knew that I would

My life has started over again. Just yesterday I realized that I hadn't had not one thought of my soon to be ex husband in several days, and I just couldn't believe it! I've been so consumed with him for so long that I thought I would never feel my freedom from his hold. It was truly to my surprise that he had not managed to squirm into my thoughts....for DAYS! Ah I think I can breathe easy.
   So of course once I realized that.. I ...thought of him and the first thing I thought was I want to get my divorce filed and erase that chapter from my life. On that same drive home from work I dreamt of burning our wedding pictures, saying a final farewell to all of that and to him. To the misery.
   And I know somewhere inside him he will once again have regrets. Big ones! But that is not my problem anymore, it's just not. I don't even want to reserve that small piece of love I could still keep for him. If I wanted to I could, and I used to do just that. It feels great that I DON"T WANT TO :~)

Just a thought at the end of my day

I think it's ok to follow your heart. Just don't follow it to hell.

"Me Marks"

Today I'm feeling a bit melancholy. Fires are burning up beautiful Colorado, specifically The Royal Gorge near Canon City, a place I have always loved. Good memories there with my mother, sisters, nieces and nephews. Then there was another great trip with my brother Wes. He came in from Texas it was the first time we had seen him in years. Colorado as a whole was and is a great state. I've always called it "Gods country". My roots come from Texas but my heart comes from Colorado. I had my first true love there, Got my first car there. It's a place that somehow although it is dear to my heart I don't know if I will venture back for anymore than  a visit. I will go where my heart takes me so who knows.

My cousin Tonna Kay & I

 I find myself though trying to stick close to my home state for my family and the love I have for them. I am old enough to realize that NOW is the time to show love to my people. NOW is the time to find some serenity and a life that I can be proud I took the time to live. I don't want to wake up at 80 and say "what the hell did I do"? I guess I have found an appreciation for my life and the ones that love me. Ahh, That felt good to say that.

My Nicaragua Kids

When I sit and ponder (and I do) what I have accomplished and what mark I may leave behind, I find that it will be pieces of me. There is not much else. The time I spend with friends and family. The late night conversations we have. The times when someone else may have learned from my lesson. The trips I have had around this world. The pics and postcards I have saved in a box. The songs I love to sing and the way I love with all I have. So I will continue to leave these "marks of me". I will sprinkle them around like glitter. In fact I think I'll call them" Me marks". I just imagine someday my nephews & nieces looking in my box,  finding my passport and my treasures from everywhere and saying....Wow Aunt Cheryl left her mark on lots of people and  in lots of places! Maybe that's a mark within itself, showing them that it's ok to go see the world and explore and know that it's a big ol' world and everyone needs someone so reach out.

And so it begins..

I am excited to start a new. A new blog, chapter and life. That's how it feels. Oh yes I've done this before. Somehow though it feels different. A good friend of mine says " Never look back always forward". I am going to take that advice and run with it (he says that too). I can run like the wind! (Gump) I forgot to add I also think I'm funny.. So get used to those silly little comments they won't go away.

So class I want to start today by talking about what it means to learn from our mistakes. What that means is that WE DON'T DO IT AGAIN! (note to self) I don't know if I'm hard headed, a gluten for punishment, co~dependent, insecure, insane (which some say means; doing the same thing over and over expecting different results) or just plain ol' naive, especially when it comes to love. I just figured if you never give up it should work out right? Wrong! It wasn't going to work no matter what I did and I shouldn't have ignore the indicators. The big red flags that I thought were so pretty when they popped up...Ohhh look another pretty flag (stold that from my BFF). 

Why the hell are some of so willing to let go of who we are and what we feel so strongly about all in the name of love? What the hell is that about? I mean .. I guess some guys probably do that. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it's mostly women that lose ourselves to men. Like in the book/movie "Eat Pray Love" when she talks about how we start looking like our mates the way owners look like their dogs. It's TRUE!! I forgot all about who I was and opened up my entire existence to a man and he took it! Haha what did I expect?

So back to the lesson. The only way that I know if I have learned it is if I don't let it happen again. I hope in this process I don't go to far in the other direction and find that I don't let anyone in, I sorta feel that coming on. Guarded is good right? 

And why is it when you have a terrible breakup it seems all the songs are tear jerkers, that's all that's on the radio or If your like me you think that's the only kind of songs that are being recorded anymore. Maybe I should change the station. Or just turn it off :~)

P.S. There will be ex~husband bashing.. It's part of my therapy.