Venting only...

No one has ever said about me that

"I was unimportant and didnt matter".... That's painful. Very painful. Even though its coming from a teenager... It hurts. 

I asked her Grammy "is she ok? Is she real upset with me?" And that was the response I got.... 

And of course I got so upset I couldn't breathe. As I stomped around thinking about how ... I was pretty important when I spent my last four dollars to watch her play ball and many times to buy milk because it makes her smile. Pretty important when I get her to a meet  ass early in the morning and get a ticket on the way. Pretty important when I try to help her Dad see things through her eyes. And what about dinner and breakfasts on weekends? What about teaching her to drive? Seemed important to me or trying to make sure her dogs don't die of starvation because they are going to!! There's alot of running I do for her!!! Back and forth and she don't even know I really can't afford the gas for that. But I do it and make it work!! I've tried to support her in every way I can. And now I find out " I'm not important and don't matter" that sux.... and goodnight 

And I am venting... This is where I do this so let her be please. Someday maybe I will be important to her. 

A smile is the best makeup :~)

Just a few days ago I thought to myself...I need to start writing like I used to! Just honest feelings about life and well....My life story. I used to do that. I wrote about my travels, cool and interesting people I had met along the way, sights I had seen and how I felt at the time. My inner most thoughts I guess.

Since my new little family started with my hubby and step daughter I am filled with so much joy that I write about them all the time. Which I love! And as it is to be I am enclined to say that my step daughter is going through those terrible teenage years as a young girl. So the piont is JUST as I was about to change my writing style abit and move on to different things, I find that I will probably be writing more on the subject.

Teenage girls that have insecurities (for whatever reason) will typically start looking for someone to tell them they are pretty and be there cheerleader so to speak. When a young girl finds that guy that tells her he thinks she's cute, talks to her all the time, they laugh alot together and pretty soon they can't stand to be apart. It's "puppy love" basically. It's the attention she's getting from him that fullfills her need. That's really all she wants, but.... she thinks it much more! Oh boy do I remember those feelings.

I was that little girl too. I don't really know why for sure. I think some people are born with that insecurity. Sometimes it can get better as your older. But I would say you either are secure in your own skin or your not.

Some people don't look to anyone else for there boost of "I am good". It's in the genes I think. I really do. Because no matter how many times you tell someone they are pretty ...unless THEY "FEEL" it they won't believe you. And interestingly enough I think even a girl that is pretty and she knows when she looks in the mirror she is, if she doesn't FEEL PRETTY it doesnt matter what anyone outside tells her.

I just pray for our girl to feel better, cause all in all I think therein lies the problem.

Pretty inside

Gosh I'm just... So in love. Not just with my husband. Im in love with my life as a wife and stepmother.I know I've wrote about it before but everyday I'm more in love with my step daughter Traci.

Joe was home for the week from work and I swear every time he's home I love him more by the time he leaves. We had a great time watching Traci at the power lifting meet. She did really well and I could tell she felt good within herself, which makes me happy because I get the feeling that she has issues with self confidence. Some of that is her age and being a young girl trying to fit in. Some is that she's kind of lost without her mother.   I want to do everything in my power to show her she's just as good as every other teenage girl and that there is MUCH more to life than being pretty! I hate that society puts so much emphasis on appearance. Looking good is fine but feeling good is GREAT and way more important. 

So that's my focus right now.. Trying to make sure she feels good about herself and not JUST her looks :-) she's got that part whooped anyway!!