I wonder..

So... Many days I have found myself feeling as though I am walking in the same path as my husbands late wife Denise. It is in my everyday life mostly that I am referring to. It's a strange position that I never imagined being in. 

It first happened one day at home alone while I was cleaning. Then again when I was showering while home alone. I have to admit I had never thought much about living where she had lived. Cooking meals, cleaning and sleeping in the same place and imagining how she did things kind of consumed me for a couple weeks. 

Sometimes even taking Traci to school or sporting events and choir I wonder if she was better at it than I am.  I wonder... Did she love Traci a lot more than I do because she was her own? Am I doing good? Would she be proud or not?

A couple of times joe and I were in Walmart where Denise worked for over 10 years and an old coworker of hers would give us the questionable look. Like the day in the photo lab when I said my last name and the counter woman that developed our wedding pictures looked at Joe and I and asked how long we had been married.  As we walked away he told me she had been Denise's friend. 

So last week as I walked into Walmart for my first day on a new job it hit me! Now I will drive the same path and work in the same location Denise did. I thought about her on the way to work and home from work. 

It's not an earie feeling or anything. It's more . . Like I find myself putting on her shoes and living in moments as she did. I wonder what she thought about on the way to work. I wonder if she was as excited as I am to see Traci sing in school concerts or play ball. 

I wonder was she happy? Did she think about Joe like I do. Did she love him so much she would knock someone in the head if she had to? I wonder if we would have been friends? I hope she's in heaven smiling :-) I hope she knows I will do my best to love and honor Traci and Joe. 

I wonder..